I’m the Greatest Erotic Short Story Author

Erotic Short StoryOkay, so maybe I’m not the greatest erotic short story author, definitely not the most prolific, but maybe someone will buy one of my stories. It will probably just be my mom, you know, being supportive. It’ll be sooooo awkward when she reads about heaving bosoms and bulging bulges.

In my life, I’ve written one book. (You can find it on Amazon for $5.99. Helluva deal! Wink, wink.) Pretty much no one read it. I don’t blame them. It’s not the most amazing piece of fiction. It’s pretentious and uninformed. I started it when I was twenty-two. It was an assignment in a creative writing class. As a young writer, everything you write is precious. Actually, that never changes. Everything is still precious to me, but now I know when to keep things to myself and when to share them. I thought my short story would change the world if it just got in front of the right eyes.

As the semester moved on, I added more chapters. After I graduated, I added more chapters. Then I joined the Peace Corps. I was in living in a village in Benin, West Africa when I wrote the last few chapters. If you read the book, you can see me grow and mature. When  I was twenty-two, I hadn’t really lived. I’d faced some hardships, but I was a white man living in America, I was born with privilege. Read more

Change It Up with Clipboard Picture Frames

Since we moved into our house, we’ve been looking for creative and inexpensive ways to decorate. Most of decor so far is repurposing our existing stuff. Whether it’s an IKEA hack to make our old shit look new and classier or turning a tennis racket into wall art, the basic idea is create something new without emptying the wallet.

That led to our guest bedroom. My wife and I want to be amazing hosts. We want people to stay the night with us, then leave and even though we’re not a business, we want them to write reviews for us on Yelp so other friends can find it and think to themselves, “Shit, we should really stay with Ashley and Ryan.”

So far we’ve received good word of mouth. Maybe they’re just being polite, I don’t know. But I choose to believe that I’m a kick ass host.

As an awesome host, you want to kill it with the guest room because that will be their home away from home. We kept getting hung up on what kind of art to hang. If we have friends stay often, they’re going to see the same stuff all the time because we don’t want to redecorate very often.

How can we keep things the same while still seeming fresh and new with every visit?

The answer….

clipboard picture frames
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Posted in DIY

Tell Twitter #HeterosexualPrideDay is #NotMyHashtag

Why is #HetereosexualPrideDay trending on Twitter? Well, because our world is becoming a place of hate and anyone that is different from you but asks for tolerance of their lifestyle, faith or skin color is immediately your enemy. Instead of embracing them, we push them away and try to raise ourselves up even higher.

It’s cliche to say “isn’t every day Heterosexual Pride Day,” so I’m not going to say it. (Like my Jedi Trump move of saying something without saying it?)

The painful thing about #HetereosexualPrideDay trending on Twitter is that if you look at the posts, most are people complaining about how fucking stupid and hateful it is. People like me. What we seem to forget about Twitter is that every time we bitch about the stupidity of a particular hashtag in a tweet, we’re just giving it more power. It’s trending because a lot of people are doing the right thing and condemning it.

So I’d like to ask Twitter for their help. We need a way to negate a hashtag. A way for us to talk about a trend or a tag that is bullshit and should die, without promoting it. I’m simplifying, as I’m sure it’s far more complex, but every time a hashtag is used it adds to its value and the higher the value, the higher it trends. But what if we could mention a hashtag and the system recognizes it as a negative mention and that takes away it’s power? Sort of like down voting a hashtag.

I think we’d all get behind that, no?

Something like this -#HetereosexualPrideDay. Just a simple minus sign in front tells Twitter that this hashtag is loathed and hated and it should die. Then each time it gets a positive mention (#HetereosexualPrideDay) and moves up the trend ladder, someone will tweet a negative mention (-#HetereosexualPrideDay) and pull that fucker right back down a rung.

Share your thoughts. Let’s get Twitter to help us fight hate by telling them this is #NotMyHashtag.

Hack This: IKEA Microwave Cart

Ikea Hack

I’m now a homeowner. Which is huge in many ways. Mostly in how much money appears in my bank account. The answer is less. In fact, I’m practically a money magician at this point. I just put it in the bank and abracadabra it disappears. Thanks home mortgage!

Anyway, to save money, you have to be creative with everything. That’s where IKEA comes in. It’s the ideal store for people on a budget who want a little style to their wares. But sometimes IKEA doesn’t have what you need, so you gotta hack it together into something new. There are entire sites dedicated to IKEA hacks. It’s a crazy subculture.

So I thought I’d share one of mine… Read more