Black Beard

Unwillingly bearded at the age of twelve, Black Beard spent his teenage years learning to cope with the responsibility of his beard and the burden of his genius. At first, he sought to escape his destiny–shaving thrice daily, using Nair like face lotion–he wanted nothing more than to be as soft cheeked and dull-witted as other boys his age.

It was not until early in the 21st Century, on the cusp of manhood, that Black Beard underwent a spiritual awakening that taught him to accept his gift.  Some say he experienced a vision after wandering for fifty days and nights through the deserts of New Mexico.  Others say he was visited by elder Beardsman from the far flung corners of the globe who convinced him of the necessity the world has for great men such as he. Still others say he achieved enlightenment after a night spent drinking bootleg corn liquor in the blackened branches of a tree that had been struck by lightening only days before in his God Mother’s backyard.

The descriptions of Black Beard are equally fantastic.  The only image that exists of him is this grainy and somewhat blurred photo dated winter, 1997.  It is believed that Black Beard has taken up residence in New York City where he can hide his identity amongst the shaggy bearded Hipsters, Homeless, and immigrants of various Eastern European countries.  We have only secondhand accounts as to the appearance and characteristics of Black Beard’s beard.  Anonymous sources variously claim his beard to be as black as a coal mine during a nuclear winter, as dense as steel wool, and as coarse as the language that originates upon Black Beard’s very lips.

We have no way of knowing how often Black Beard will post his thoughts in this space, nor do we know what subjects he will conquer and lay to waste with his startling genius.  All we can be sure of is what we were told by the street vendor on the corner of Park Avenue and 51st Street who claims to sell Black Beard his coffee each morning: “I think he said he will write. About literature, maybe. But I don’t know. There is little time for talking here. I’m very busy. As you can see.”