CLASH OF THE TITANS
Outside of my family I think I’m the only person I know who has seen “Clash of the Titans” from 1981. My parents showed it to me and I also remember watching it in school. We were talking about mythology or something and so we watched the movie. (I’m a product of Texas public schools if that clears up why I was shown the movie instead of reading some books.)
And of course it has been on TV a million times. So I don’t really understand how my fiancée and our friends have missed it. The only conclusion is that my friends had horrible childhoods. Although there was a recent discussion about the TV show “Hey Dude”, which I had never heard of, an indication that perhaps my childhood was shit. (Again being from Texas you would think I would’ve been a fan of anything related to a dude ranch. Well you would be wrong. Dude ranches are for everyone born outside of Texas. Texans know about ranches.)
I don’t know how I went from “Clash of the Titans” to dude ranches. Let’s get back on track people. So having grown up on the Harry Hamlin classic Titan film, I was obviously very excited about seeing this one. I nagged my fiancée like a child to see it with me but we never found the time. So I went on my own. I opted for the 2D because 3D blows. If I wanted to watch something in 3D I would walk around town and leave my eyes open.
Sam Worthington, the official leading man for blockbuster films it seems, stars as Perseus. The demigod with the power to save the city of Argos from the fury of the Gods.
To keep it short and simple, the film is boring. Special effects aren’t impressive. The dialog is on the nose and without flare. The acting is what you would expect from reruns of “Xena: Warrior Princess”.
The film appears rushed. It’s like a summer blockbuster that realized early in post-production that it wouldn’t be able to compete with the other summer blockbusters so it pushed its release date back to avoid the competition. (I have no evidence that this occurred, that’s just how the movie looked.)
Can someone explain to me the appeal of Sam Worthington? This is his third blockbuster in two years and yet he is not a good actor. Not even that cute. The only script he had any sort of depth in character was “Terminator: Salvation,” and although the best of the three, the third being “Avatar”, it was still a disappointment.
If you get an itch for “Clash of the Titans”, just rent the original. The effects are not at the same level but it’s way more fun and Pegasus is white. Not that I’m racist, I just don’t like Black Pegasus.
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE
Last year’s hilarious comedy “The Hangover” changed everything. It made a ton of money and put asses in seats. Unfortunately, because of its success we’re going to see a ton of imitations. The formula is the same: 4 guys are on a journey of self discovery amidst a vaguely familiar landscape. One is Vegas after a night of drinking, the other is Kodiak Sky Resort after a night of drinking and traveling back in time 20 years.
Of these two films, one is not funny and since I described “The Hangover” as a hilarious comedy, I’m pretty sure you can figure out which one I’m talking about.
Oh and one more thing from “The Hangover” formula I forgot to mention is you must have a former correspondent for “The Daily Show”. Hangover had Ed Helms and HTTM has Rob Corddry.
Most of you have seen the preview for HTTM and I feel like I can tell you exactly what your first thought was: “Was that John Cusack?”
The answer is yes, it was John Cusack. Cusack is also a producer on the film, which makes it worse. Cusack can’t even fall back on, “I just wanted to get paid.” As producer, he might have even rallied for the film to be made.
The only funny thing about the movie is I’m pretty sure Cusack wears the same coat he wore in “Say Anything”. There were so many missed opportunities for humor with Cusack being an 80s movie star. If he had held up a radio at any point during the movie, I might have loved it or, as my fiancée suggested, had Joan Cusack played his sister, then I would be writing an entirely different review. Sadly none of that happened. Not a lot of anything happened, other than I lost $9.
So to sum up: Two movies seen and not a one worth a damn.
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