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February 2010

The Best Damn Academy Awards Poll Period

February 17, 2010

Who will win what? Cast your votes for each category and compare them to all the other readers. Head over here to print off your own ballot for the Oscar party that I know everyone is having.

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The Wolfman Should’ve Been Made to Scare Children. All Good Things Involve Scaring Children.

February 17, 2010

Benicio Del Toro’s The Wolfman is an update of the popular 1941 Lon Chaney film of the same name. The story is essentially the same, albeit far more violent and bloody. The film opens with a full moon, telling us the true culprit of the horror that is to come. From there the world of [...]

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Percy Jackson, the Olympians and the Triumphant Return of Little Beard

February 16, 2010
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Ricky Gervais, The Holocaust, Child Abuse, Necrophilia and Elmo

February 13, 2010

I’m a little behind on this one. It was posted in March of last year and 1.7 million people have already watched it, but whatever. I don’t care. I just found it and I thought it was funny. Only Ricky Gervais could go on Sesame Street and mention the Holocaust and necrophilia and still get [...]

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Black Beard Explains How to Write Realistic Fiction and That’s All

February 12, 2010

So far, I’ve been able to avoid spending an entire post ruminating on the process of writing fiction.  It’s true, I suppose, that in a way everything I’ve discussed is somehow related to my views on the creative process, but I have not, until today, explicitly stated how I think one should go about writing [...]

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Shorts Online: Jane Campion’s Peel

February 11, 2010

Only four women have ever been nominated for the Academy Award for Best Director: Lina Wertmüller for Seven Beauties (1976), Jane Campion for The Piano (1993) and Sofia Coppola for Lost in Translation (2003). Kathryn Bigelow is the fourth. She is nominated this year for The Hurt Locker. Of the four, none have won. …

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Black Beard Explains the Meaning of Greatness as it Pertains to William Faulkner

February 9, 2010

William Faulkner is the greatest American writer of the 20th Century.  On the face of it, this doesn’t seem to be the kind of profound statement one could build an entire column around, and yet after finishing The Collected Stories of William Faulkner last week, I was so moved by the thorough mastery and brilliance [...]

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Why Avatar and 3D Movies are Destroying America. Oh and J.J. Abrams is Still a Character Raper.

February 9, 2010

I was unfortunate to have been born in a post Smell-O-Vision world. My late 20th century birth has forced me to rely on my imagination in relation to smell. I also missed the first push for 3D films. I donned the ol’ blue and red glasses once or twice as a child and I was [...]

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Black Beard Uses Orhan Pamuk as an Excuse to Talk About Himself

February 6, 2010

This week I began reading Other Colors, the collection of essays, speeches, and other non-fiction writing by the Nobel Prize winning Turkish author Orhan Pamuk.  It’s a fine book, not really exceptional but enjoyable enough that I continued reading past the first page. However, the good-but-not-great quality of Pamuk’s writing in this instance drew my [...]

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Since I Posted the Two Segments, I Might As Well Post the Unedited Footage. All Five Parts Check Them Out. Well Worth the 42 Minutes.

February 5, 2010

If you want to watch it’s better here than on Fox News. At least here they don’t get any of the ad money.

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