I’m afraid of YouTube. I never venture too far within its confines. The reason is inevitably I come upon something truly discomforting. Things that normal people living in a normal society would try to keep hidden. Like why does every obese person in the world think dancing on YouTube is a great idea? I shower in the dark because I don’t like to see my fat ass jiggle. So why would anyone want to put that online? Please someone help me with that one.
YouTube has created this environment where anyone can have their 15 minutes of fame. (Although I believe if Andy Warhol were alive he would update the time limit to five minutes or perhaps five seconds considering 20 hours of video is uploaded every minute.)
Now I’ve seen scary movies and read dark stories. I also lived in West Africa for two years and saw some terrible things. So I’m not a vagina but things on YouTube weird me out. The only explanation I have been able to come to is that YouTube is a sign of the apocalypse. Only the end of days would bring such imagery to our homes. Obviously YouTube is tame in comparison to videos on other sites but YouTube is the most popular. So it is the chosen target for today.
I know I have done a disservice to some YouTube freaks by only choosing five. I am also sure that I haven’t even scratched the surface of the debauchery that exists on YouTube, because I just can’t bring myself to watch some things. Below are the things that I’ve found recently that have disturbed me.
1. Chubby Cuppy Cake Boy
Again I’m a little behind on my YouTube videos. Many of you have seen chubby kid before but this is my first time. By the way, the term chubby is being very kind to this kid.
2. Crack Make Me Crazy
In case you didn’t know the effects of crack. Also, this is exactly why I stopped wearing tighty-whities as a child. No one looks good in them.
3. Epic Beard Man
All men with beards are that tough. However, we’re not all that bat shit insane. The reason this is the sign of the apocalypse is the sheer popularity of watching a man get the crap kicked out of him, the multiple YouTube follow-up videos and the most vile and racist comments I’ve ever seen.
4. Little Beard
What kind of people would force this poor kid to review movies on YouTube. They should be ashamed.
5. The World’s Biggest Human Balls (Whatever you do don’t watch this video)
YouTube can’t be entirely to blame for this one but only someone on YouTube would make a compilation of this man and his balls and set it to music.
Now tell me what YouTube videos creep you out. YouTube videos only please.
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