Mel Gibson is becoming a pussy in his old age. I say that with the greatest amount of respect that I can muster for an anti-Semite. Perhaps his pussification is due to the fact that he has had 49 children with two different woman. Ergo the reason I’m still a badass is because I have no children. My point is Mel Gibson is a pussy.
Before Mel Gibson Was a Pussy
For the record I love Mel Gibson as an action star. He shows pain really well but he’s even better at being a badass. The Road Warrior, the rare superior sequel, is one of my favorite movies. It’s superiority to Mad Max is minute. The original is still a great movie. It’s one of the best revenge movies of all time.
For me it is a tragedy that Gibson will likely not return for Fury Road, the fourth film in the Mad Max anthology. Director George Miller is recasting Max Rockatansky and I think he’s making a huge mistake. Mel Gibson is Mad Max. That’s all there is to it.
I don’t really understand why Gibson doesn’t want to make the movie. Is he tired of playing fathers bereaved over the death of their children? Oh wait, he just made a movie with a similar plot. What’s the movie called again? It’s on the tip of my tongue. I just watched it yesterday. Oh yeah, Edge of Darkness. Sorry I forgot because there was nothing memorable about the movie. The only thing I remember is that Mel didn’t kick ass as well as he used to, hence the Mel Gibson is becoming a pussy in his old age. I am afraid the reason he’s not making the fourth Mad Max film is because he might have to kick some ass or the script sucks.
Miller’s mistake in making Fury Road is that he didn’t talk to me about my idea for the fourth film. Lucky for you I’m going to tell you now. The fourth Mad Max should like High Noon with a Mad Max twist.
It’s been 25 years since the last film. The world has moved further and further into the dark ages. There is no fuel. There are a few towns scattered throughout Australia. One, led by The Gyro Captain, has a great chance of flourishing. There is a strong-willed community determined to build a better life for themselves. Unfortunately there is also a strong criminal element overrunning the town.
The city elders brainstorm, searching for a solution to their criminal problem. The Gyro Captain suggests enlisting the help of Max, the man responsible for saving the lives of the town founders, the survivors of The Road Warrior. The elders are skeptical that they will be able to find Max, but The Gyro Captain has heard rumors of his travels throughout the years.
He takes his plane in search of Max and finds him on a farm with a new wife and two young children. Max reluctantly agrees to become the towns sheriff. He’s been unsuccessful as a farmer and doesn’t want to raise his children in isolation.
Max arrives in the town and quickly turns it around. The criminals are forced out of the city with the promise that they will return. The community rejoices and begins to build. First they build a church, then a school. Farming coops are created. Markets are expanded. Wells are dug. Laws are made. Officials are elected. All the while Max holds the office of sheriff and the town is safe.
Over the years Max’s children grow. They go to school. The town flourishes. Max is happy. He has a loving wife, beautiful kids and his small world seems impervious to sadness. He is loved and respected in the town and he begins to open up, becoming a part of the world he pulled away from after the death of his first wife and child.
Then word comes that the criminals are returning. They have grown in numbers and plan to kill Max. Max tries to rally the town. He enlists deputies and encourages everyone in the town to find any kind of weapon they can and help him defend the town.
The town decides to not fight and to instead offer Max to the criminals. They are too scared and feel that Max’s life is a small price to pay for the safety of the town. If they will just leave the town they can have Max. He is enraged by this betrayal but agrees if it will keep the town safe.
When the criminal mob arrives Max tries to surrender but the bandits do not agree. They have come for more than Max, they want the entire town. Max fights but there are too many. He is beaten but gets away. He runs to his home and sees the bandits kill his family. Once again he is alone.
He battles back, eventually killing all the bandits. The town once again rejoices at the heroism Max has shown. But still angry over the death of his family he finishes the work of the bandits. He burns down the entire town. Anyone who stands in his way he kills. The town is in shambles will no hope of ever being rebuilt. In the end he walks away. Once again alone on the road.
Throw in a couple subplots. Sprinkle in some violent deaths and a faceoff with the leader of the bandits. Now that is a badass Mad Max movie. The kind that Mel Gibson couldn’t refuse.
Fury Road will likely be more of the same. A convoy in danger is rescued by Max. Sounds pretty fucking lame. If I wanted to see that I’d just watch The Road Warrior again, which I just might do. I’ll reminisce about the days when Mel Gibson wasn’t a pussy.
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