Movie trailers convince us whether we want to see a movie. They’re like windows in the red-light districts of Amsterdam. If you choose the right window you have a good time, if you choose the wrong window you get crabs.
So as a service to the public I’m going to tell you why you should or shouldn’t see a movie opening today. All of these reviews are based on the trailer and no other information.
Legion
Legion
God hates us, again. He is sending angels to wipe us out. But one angel decides to save humanity and protect a woman in a diner in what looks like New Mexico because she is carrying a child that is the only hope for humanity.
I love angel movies and I love angel stories. Unless they’re in the Bible. Hell, I have written several angle stories. None of my stories have been made into movies. Hmmm, maybe that’s why I’m so annoyed by this movie.
What happened to Paul Bettany? Do you think Ron Howard is to blame? Bettany was in the Da Vinci Code playing a bad ass albino killer who’s also a priest. In Legion, starting today, he plays a bad ass white killer who’s also an angel.
So why shouldn’t you see this movie? Well it looks fucking dumb.
Tooth Fairy
Tooth Fairy
The Rock plays a hockey player nicknamed the Tooth Fairy because he knocks people’s teeth out on the ice. He’s a bully and spends his life intimidating people. He ruins a girl’s belief in the tooth fairy and is punished by being forced to become a real tooth fairy.
The Rock in tights. That is how this movie is being advertised. This movie is essentially a reworking of his less successful film The Game Plan from a few years ago. In that one he played a football player without magical powers but it’s the same message.
The movie looks like it might be fun for kids. I can’t be 100% sure on that because I don’t have any kids but if I did I would take them to see this. I think many critics and bloggers like myself forget that movies are also made to entertain.
So although I have no interest in seeing The Rock in tights, I know that kids will get a kick out of it. So take them to see it but when they grow up you have to be sure and teach them that movies also have an artistic value. If we do that then maybe we can improve the quality of adult movies. And I don’t mean porn. Although porn does need improvement.
Extraordinary Measures
Extraordinary Measures
I hate it when innocent people suffer. I hate what is happening in Haiti. I hate what is happening in every corner of Africa.
What is worse is when people take the pain of others and exploit it for their own gain. This movie seems to fall into that category.
I think the real kids at the heart of the story are having their disease exploited for a generic drama that really doesn’t care about them or medical advances. If it truly cared it would make a documentary or at least a well written drama.
It seems like a poorly executed film that attached as many names to the vehicle as it could and rushed it out quickly, hoping that Harrison Ford would carry it to box office promise land.
If you like children and don’t want them to be exploited then avoid this one. If you hate kids then by all mean see this one.
What do you think these movies will be like? Am I off in my Trailer reviews?
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